ADHD and Me
It took a pandemic to explain me to myself. This is not a post about the pandemic. It’s about being a neurodivergent and its role in my life. It’s not been an easy post to write. I don’t want to look like I’m jumping on a trend or asking for sympathy. Part of me would like to skip over the entire issue, but I think greater awareness is essential. So, this is me sharing my story and hoping it makes it easier for others. This is the hardest post I have ever written; it is revealing, and I have debated doing this for a long time.
TLDR: I’m Richard, I’m ADHD, and you need to keep reading because there is so much more to this than you might think.
When I was younger, my school thought I might be dyslexic, but my reading was above average, and I was a decent student who worked hard. It was the 1980s, so I never got tested for ADHD; I just carried on being confused as to why some things were crazy easy and others very hard.
Roll on quite a few years, and we’ll all be at home worrying about Covid. This was when my son was unmasked. If you’re not familiar with masking, it’s where people hide their personality traits to be more acceptable. He is autistic. It changed my world and my view. We’ve had to find new ways to parent. We’ve had to find new ways to work to support him. It’s been harder than we ever imagined, but it’s also been a fantastic learning opportunity to improve so I can be a better parent for him.
I wanted to understand Autism because I wanted good things for my son. As I began to look at the different manifestations, I came across ADHD. In short, I recognised myself, got tested, and part of my world fell into place. It was a relief to know that there was an explanation for my behaviours. When I go back through my career, I know I must have frustrated some of my former bosses. And that if they’d known that I was ADHD, then maybe things would have been easier for them and me. I now know how to get the best out of me, and I do this every day.
In the last few years, ADHD has been labelled as a ‘trendy diagnosis’, or ‘Are we all a bit ADHD?’, but I don’t think it’s done much for a greater understanding; it is just ignorance thinking and saying this. People still believe that Autism equals Rainman or an obsession with trains. That ADHD is an excuse for laziness or kids that can’t sit still. It is way bigger than this.
For me, It’s incredibly frustrating. You would not want a trendy condition that brings overwhelm, overexcitement and confusion a part of daily life. The number of times I’ve lost keys or gotten very stressed because I have to fill in some paperwork. This has been my whole life. A life during which I’ve tried to figure out how my brain is wired. Trust me, you wouldn’t want it.
My brain can also do amazing things. I’m creative, can see patterns, and think big picture. My hyperfocus and understanding of the world allow me to do what I do best: to help people and improve things.
It’s not all fidget toys and talking about the superpowers our neurodivergent brains give us despite what social media would have you believe. It’s something you wouldn’t choose to have. Part of that is that the stigma is still huge. It’s why I was so reluctant to write this post, but I also felt I had to do so. It’s hard because I’m afraid of the judgement. Just writing this is not easy.
I’m so scared of the stigma and the casual (and not so casual) putdowns I have heard toward others who are a bit different; in the recent UK election campaign, a perspective MP called autistic people “vegetables.” That’s why I’m talking. I want to make it easier for others because many people have ADHD and Autism, and we’re misunderstood yet have so much to offer to the world, like my brilliant son and I.
Anyway, coming back to 2020, that was also the year I started thinking about setting up my business. One of the changes for me was that I began working with different kinds of companies. In addition to big brands, I was also working with small businesses. I’m used to working with big global companies and have learnt an enormous amount from that, but working with small businesses has also been an education.
I’ve encountered many entrepreneurs who are neurodivergent, have ADHD, and have incredible talents. Part of my job is helping them share the fantastic things they do with the world. Small businesses are outstanding innovators.
The more I start to understand the world as someone with an ADHD diagnosis, the more I see all the many brilliant things in it—and how we can help each other out. If you’re neurotypical and you run a business or you work with neurodivergent people, then learn how you can both play to your strengths. Work together to be excellent and become an advocate for the community. If you’re neurodivergent, do the same.
As a parent, you’re always looking for ideas, tips, and support, and this is true for parents of autistic children. Earlier this year, I joined a three-year research program by Jiedi Lei at Oxford University. So, there’s a lot of stigma and misunderstanding in autism. Her research is looking at the strengths of autism and ways to communicate these strengths with our families, communities, and children.
As part of the research group, I’ve done many surveys. When I heard they were building a workshop for parents of autistic children, I volunteered. I’ve joined the team focusing on facilitating the two free workshops running this summer, the first of which was on my birthday, and it really was a gift to be part of it. I spend much time doing presentations, workshops, training, coaching, and mentoring, which I enjoy, and they play to my strengths.
This is an excellent example of fantastic stuff happening that will make other people’s lives easier. That’s why I want to share and talk about this. Helping people is so important to me, and now that I understand myself better, I can do more.
So, for those reading that are neurodivergent, hey, I’m in your club. I’m in. I’m one of you. I’m here to, you know, cheer you on. And if you’re in the neurotypical world, maybe you think it’s all about the trend. Perhaps you want to know more about how to work best with your ADHD colleagues. Perhaps you’re just curious. For everyone, learning more is always the answer.
Now it’s time for a cup of tea – I know I need one; thank you for reading this.